last night i dreamed that scientists used a really bad picture of me to prove humans are closely related to goats and i was so insulted i woke up
What’s the difference between being hungry and horny?
where you put the cucumber
I’m sorry, you must be at least a level 4 friend to unlock my tragic backstory
christmas is so much worse as you get older it’s like “what do you want this year?” “a sense of purpose”
"a career" "financial security" "a sex life" "tuition for grad school" "alcohol" "a nap" "socks would be nice"
*drops food on floor*
germs: go get it! quick!
king germ: no.. we must wait 5 seconds.. it is the rule
my favorite thing about this post is that germs have apparently gained enough sentience to develop a form of monarchy
Notice how all of humanity has just gone downhill since they declared that Pluto was not a planet anymore
#wrath of Pluto
Actually, Pluto was the Roman’s name for Hades. They named a planet after a god of the dead then revoked its planetary status and thought everything would be okay. You fools